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Gentlemen,

Let me ask you a question that’s been echoing through the minds of men in our community, from the 18-year-old just starting out to the 40-year-old navigating life’s twists and turns: At what age should you have it all together? At what age should you have it all figured out?

I hear from so many of you, guys aged 18 to 40, 42, 45, lamenting that you’re at a stage in life where you feel lost, like you don’t have it all together. You wonder, “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I have it figured out?”

Brothers, let me set the record straight: Of course you don’t have it all together! You’re not supposed to. No one expects you to. Anyone who looks at you at 25, 30, or 35 and says, “Hey, man, what’s wrong with you? Why don’t you have everything sorted?”, they’re the fool, not you.

Wisdom Takes Time

Knowledge, experience, and wisdom don’t come overnight. Wisdom is forged from experience, and experience takes time. The more you live, the more you learn from your triumphs and stumbles, the wiser you become.

If you haven’t lived long enough to build a deep, rich portfolio of experiences, how can you expect to have all the answers?

Society, movies, and TV shows sell us a lie. They tell us by 25 or 30, you should have a degree, a high-paying job, a wife, a house, and a life that’s “all together.”

In a 90-minute film, we watch a guy go from a messed-up 20-something to a polished hero who lands the job, puts his old high school rival in his place, wins the girl, and rides off into the sunset. Fade to black. We’re left imagining the rest of his life, thinking, “Man, he’s got it all figured out!”

But turn off the TV and flip on the news. Those same actors we idolize? They’re showing up again and again, making mistakes, proving they don’t have it together either. The truth is, life isn’t a movie. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

A glass bottle can be made in minutes. Heated, molded, cooled, done. But a diamond? That takes pressure, heat, and time buried deep in the earth.
One’s common, cheap, and fragile. The other? Rare, unbreakable, and valuable beyond measure.
Don’t aim to be glass. Let life shape you into a diamond. Slow, yes, but built to last.

You’re Not Supposed to Be Perfect

I get messages from you all the time: “Man, I wish you’d been my dad.” I’m flattered, truly. But no, you don’t. Nobody bursts from their mother’s womb ready for the world, aged, mature, and wise.
I’m not claiming to be wise either. I’m just now starting to piece things together. I’m not here to say I’ve got all the answers. I’m here to say, “Hey, that happened. Here’s why. Maybe we shouldn’t do that again.” That’s the kind of practical, hard-earned insight we’re all chasing.

There’s a song by cowboy legend Ian Tyson called “The Old Double Diamond.” If you’re into rugged, soulful music, look him up. In the song, an old cowboy reflects on a ranch he’s worked for years, now being sold.
He sings, “When I first hired on to the old Double Diamond, I was a darn poor excuse for a man. I never learned how to aim when the spirit was tame, and I couldn’t see all the cards in my hand.”

That’s you right now, brothers. You haven’t learned how to aim while your spirit is still finding its fire. You can’t see all the cards in your hand, not because they’re not there, but because you haven’t matured enough to recognize them. Keep going. Keep learning. Keep growing.
One day, you’ll look down and realize the card you needed was there all along. But that day won’t come tomorrow, and that’s okay.

Stop Carrying Burdens That Aren’t Yours

For years, I’ve coached my best friend, a natural nurturer, to let go of burdens that aren’t his to carry. He’s always worrying about others, but I’ve told him, “Bro, that’s not your load to bear.” At your age, whether you’re 25, 35, or 45, you’ve got enough on your plate that’s rightfully yours.
Don’t waste energy worrying about burdens that belong to your 50s, 60s, or beyond. You can’t even begin to think about having it all figured out until later in life. So don’t. Just don’t.

Maturity comes with time. You can’t fake it or force it. You can’t be responsible for rushing something that life itself is meant to shape. You just have to live. If you’re 28, be 28. Stop trying to be 58. It’s not expected, and it’s a weight you don’t need to carry.

Young couples in our community, I hear you too. You’re going through rough patches, thinking, “We must be the worst couple ever. We don’t have it together.” Of course you don’t! Even after 10 years of marriage, you won’t have it all figured out.
My wife and I are still learning, still growing, still taking it as it comes. But here’s the key: You’ll never get there if you quit. Fellas, you won’t become the man you want to be if you throw in the towel. You have to grow into it.

The Baby Steps of Life

Let me put this in perspective. Say you got three grandkids now. One of them, let’s say he’s 16 months old, is learning to walk. Picture this: He’s in a diaper, waddling across the kitchen floor to his mom, his little chubby legs wobbling, his bubble butt and tubby tummy throwing off his balance.
He’s teetering, oh, oh, oh, then BAM! He falls flat on his butt. He looks shocked, stunned, then his face scrunches up, and he cries like it’s the end of the world. To him, it is the worst disaster of his young life. It’s all he’s ever known.

Now, some of you just went through a breakup. It feels like a catastrophe of apocalyptic proportions. Or maybe you lost a job, $80,000 a year, the gig you spent four years in college to land. Then a merger, a layoff, or a curveball like a global crisis hit, and now it’s gone. It feels like your life is in shambles at your feet.

But hear me: It’s not. It’s not. You’re not supposed to have it all together.

Those who graduate college, land a job, stay in it for 40 years, retire, and move to a condo by the beach? They exist, sure, but they’re the exception, not the rule. And honestly, they don’t have the coolest stories.

Wisdom doesn’t come from a straight, predictable path. It comes from the detours, the stumbles, the unexpected turns.

The Forge of Manhood: Strength Through Fire

A few years back, I made a string of terrible decisions, boneheaded moves that left me feeling like I didn’t have it together, like I wasn’t growing, like I wasn’t the man I was supposed to be.
But I started working on it. The man I am today, the father I’d be if kids came along now, isn’t the man I was back then. And that’s the point.

A blade doesn’t become strong until it’s been through the fire, over and over. It’s hammered, heated, melted down, and reshaped. Life is your forge, brothers. Right now, you’re in the flames for the first or second time.

It’s hot, uncomfortable, and tough. Then life pulls you out, puts you on the anvil, and hammers you some more. You might ask, “Am I done yet? Am I a sword for the ages?” Not yet. But you’re getting there.

Embrace the Process, Live Your Age

So, chill out, brothers. Just chill. I’m not saying go wild, drink your brains out, or do something reckless. But for goodness’ sake, live! Go hunting, fishing, grab a mountain bike, hit the trails, lift weights at the gym, or gather around a barbecue with five buddies and just be silly. Be goofy. Be your age.

Don’t expect to be a fully polished, sharpened, tempered blade at 25, 35, or even 45. You’ve got more forge time ahead, more hammer blows to take.

But if you patiently embrace the process, by the time you’re up in years, you’ll be a man you’re proud of.

You only get stronger hiking uphill, not down. Life is the climb. Embrace the journey. Don’t quit. I’m rooting for you, men in my community.

Keep Going, Brothers. I’m here for you, and I’m cheering you on.

Stay Strong,
Mr.Wayne
𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐎𝐟 𝐌𝐞𝐧 𝐁𝐲 𝐌𝐫.𝐖𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞

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